So it's a very common question, asked by many to many others, asked by many to manyselves, yet the answer is never easy. I'm sure most times there isn't an answer at all. The question: What is The Secret of Life?
Oftentimes people have supposedly given that right answer. For example, you have the old Indian wise man on top of the mountain who supposedly knows The Secret of Life. The problem there is, there have been so many copycat old Indian wise men lately that now you can climb any mountain and find anything, such as convenience stores and pirated DVD's of goat porn. So this is not the way to discover The Secret of Life.
Faith Hill also tackled this subject once with what was actually a really great tune. However, the end result didn't really solve anything. After several minutes of lines such as "The Secret of Life is a good cup of coffee...The Secret of Life is keep your eye on the ball...The Secret of Life is to find the right woman...", then she finishes the deal with "The Secret of Life is nothing at all." This is The Secret of Life equivalent to doing that huge math problem on the SAT that you spend 15 minutes working on, fritzing out the circuits on two calculators, chewing through one pencil while ruining the point and/or the eraser of at least one more pencil, running out of scrap paper so you start writing on your socks, and then finally getting the problem done and coming up with your answer: zero. It's totally NOT the answer that brings you closure.
So that's why I'm here today. A few people already have heard me share The Secrets of Life. Yes, that's plural. You see, there isn't one Secret, there are three. And all are simple. And all will make your life more positive, more complete and more fun.
So here, available for cutting and pasting, copying and highlighting, or whatever you so desire, are:
THE SECRETS OF LIFE
1) Roll with it.
2) Do what makes you happy.
3) You have the final say.
That's it. Three lines, thirteen words, fifteen syllables, forty-seven letters. Allow me to expand on the thoughts...
"Roll with it" means just that. Whatever's going on, roll with it. Don't overthink it, don't resist it just to resist it. If work has you pissed off, just roll with it anyway. If you find someone that makes you happy, just roll with it and don't "What if" the thing to death. Have you ever played the card game "Mille Bornes"? It's very different and rather fun. The object is to score 1,000 points first by logging 1,000 miles with your cards ("mille bornes" is French for "1,000 miles"), and the cards include mileposts (which is how you score), as well as driving hazards, repairs and the all-important green and red light cards. You have to have a green light in front of you to play your point cards. Consider life like that as well. Roll with it, you have that green light. You know when you do. If something happens to make the light change, you'll know it. You'll know when the light is yellow and you have to slow down and think it over. You'll know if the light is red and you have to stop. The key is, don't force that light to change. You'll know if it's changed from green and you'll react accordingly. Rolling with it doesn't just mean to roll with it, it means to NOT roll with it when the situation calls for that, but that situation will call for it naturally, not artificially.
"Do what makes you happy", again, means just that. Do what makes you happy. If you like to watch or read or listen to whatever, do it. Don't worry what anyone else thinks. Now, granted, you may like having sex with kitchen appliances, and I say again, do what makes you happy. However, be prepared for moral or legal issues if you so choose something against the grain. With that said, though, if you enjoy eating and are overweight, and happy with yourself, than good for you. If you enjoy eating light and want to lose weight, and happy with yourself, than good for you. If you enjoy dressing up, dressing down, going out every night, staying in every night, blonde hair, black hair, red hair, no hair, diet, no diet, political, scientific, Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Atheist, dog person, cat person, movie lover, bookworm, Coke, Pepsi, Deal or No Deal, C-Span, sneakers, high heels, writing checks to charity, writing checks to Macy's, want kids, don't want kids, and so on and so on and so on...do what makes you happy.
Finally, "You have the final say". Get the opinions of others. You'll probably at times get those opinions when you DON'T want them. Every decision you make in life, from the simplest decision ("Should I buy the Schweppe's Ginger Ale or the Canada Dry instead?") to the more complicated ("Do I drink this wacky Kool-Aid or sneak out of the compound?"), is yours to make. Influence can exist, but the final call is yours and yours alone. People like to blame everyone else for things, such as that idiot from New York City on Bravo's "Top Chef" in the first few weeks of the current season. People also look back and pinpoint where things went wrong and do so by coming to a conclusion of, "It's his/her fault!" Take me, for example. I was in college, life was good. Then I met Amy Lopez and was with her for 4 years. It was 4 years of abuse and the stripping of my self-esteem, but there I stayed with her anyway. Do I blame her for that? No. I chose to stay with her. No one put a gun to my head. Sure, she was a sexual dynamo so there was influence, but ultimately I made that decision to stay with her. The bottom line with decisions we all make in life is, we/I/you have the final say.
So there you have it. From this moment onward, your lives will be easier to figure out. Well, in theory, anyway. But you have The Secrets of Life. Take them. Remember them. Share them. Engrave them on tablets and send Moses up for them. Sell them to the company that makes fortune cookies. Have the messages flown above the beaches on the backs of airplanes next to the Heineken banner.
Or just forget them and go visit that old Indian guy on the top of the mountain. Maybe you'll like his better. Plus, you can get a great deal on cigarettes at his convenience store.
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