(This blog was originally written on 2/25/08 on MySpace)
Well, 14 right is about what I get every year, it seems. I did pretty good in the start, going 3 for 3, and I got all the acting picks right. But OK, during the 3 hours and 21 minutes and 31 seconds of the telecast (much shorter than I thought it would be, but you'll see why) I scribbled some free thoughtage, which we'll now turn into your Monday reading pleasure.
The telecast got off to a great start during the ABC preshow because Billy Bush's stupid ass was NOWHERE IN SIGHT. Regis Philbin actually handled the preshow and he was as animated and fun as ever, plus celebrities actually WANT to talk to him. So this was a good start. Oh, but I can't forget the preshow before the preshow...the E! network had two hours of red carpet arrivals, and at one point Ryan Seacrest was interviewing Laura Linney and Jennifer Garner. Well, Gary Busey comes up in full Gary Busey "I'm not drunk, this is just me" mode, pretty much forcing himself on Garner and terrorizing her and Ryan. Ryan did a hell of a job trying to move things along, and finally did so, but man...Gary Busey. Live TV. A bad mix. I'm sure it's already on YouTube.
And then later I see Steve Guttenberg. No more said.
So OK, let's get to the show. 8:30PM, Jon Stewart is on stage and rocking it. Great opening monologue, funny as only he can be. And we're right into our first award. Alexander Byrne wins for her work on "Elizabeth: The Golden Age". And let me say, the sight of this 46-year-old woman (Byrne) who looks about 70, and wearing a J-Lo way-down-in-the-back-so-you-can-almost-see-her-ass dress, was more terrifying to me than the idea of a sequel to "The English Patient." Jennifer Garner presented this award, and her hair was awful.
A rather humorous Diet Coke ad aired with a movie star needing a Diet Coke with a "bendy straw." It's funnier than it sounds.
Back to the show, and Steve Carell and Anne Hathaway present the Best Animated Feature award. Steve's doing his shtick, quite good, but Anne was absolutely FLAWLESS playing off of him. She's really a damn talented comic actress. Winner was "Ratatouille", no surprise. What was a surprise that I didn't even fully realize until some time into the broadcast was this: "Ratatouille" got FIVE nominations. For an animated film, that's like fifteen. I don't even think "Beauty and the Beast" had that many, and THAT was up for Best Picture in 1990. So kudos to the Bird and his rats for making possibly Oscar history with five noms.
A nervous Katherine Heigl presented the makeup Oscar to Didier Lavergne and Jan Archibald for "La Vie en Rose", and I'm 3 for 3.
Then we had the first of the nominated songs performed, and Amy Adams handled her own work performing "Happy Working Song" from the film "Enchanted." I've seen the song in the film, and it's performed with a bunch of animated rats and bugs helping her clean house in classic yet self-deprecating Disney fashion. Here, it was just Amy on stage singing, and it was totally empty. The stage, AND the performance, because of this. No fault of Amy's, but it was like a performance of "We Are the World" with only Michael Jackson singing it.
Dwayne Johnson (The Rock) presented Best Visual Effects, which went to the team behind "The Golden Compass". I considered this a big upset, but I'm glad this film FINALLY got some good results with an Academy Award. Not sure this will justify the other two books being made into films though, the thing didn't even come close to making it's costs back here in the States during its release.
Cate Blanchett presented Art/Set Direction, and the team from "Sweeney Todd" took this one. Wow, "Transformers" went 0 for 2 so far.
Best Supporting Actor was next. No surprise, Javier Bardem. He couldn't resist making a joke about having to wear that haircut, but beyond that his speech was very cool. Albeit...rushed. That was the theme of the evening, it seemed, and it seemed everything was being rushed almost to the point of silliness.
Owen Wilson then came out, which I found interesting. He did his presentation for Live-Action Short ("The Mozart of Pickpockets" won, that was a crap shoot picking a winner anyway) and that was that. He seemed OK, I guess.
Then we had Jerry Seinfeld present an award, and this could have been great because he did an award last year and was the highlight of the night with his hilarious monologue that seemed to be like an audition to host the show in the future. Unfortunately, this year it wasn't actually Jerry, it was Jerry as that bee from "Bee Movie", which we all pretty much have forgotten about by now, and the whole presentation was dull and forced in that bee character, so it basically sucked. What a waste of Jerry here. Anyway, Jer-Bee did Best Animated Short, and "Peter and the Wolf" wins.
Now for Best Supporting Actress. Tilda Swinton really deserved to win, and she did, and she was shocked. Her speech was great too, lots of fun. She threw George Clooney thankx going back to his time wearing the nippled Batman suit and "hanging around upside down at lunch."
Josh Brolin and James McAvoy were fun in presenting Best Adapted Screenplay, which went to "No Country for Old Men." Joel and Ethan Coen came up, Joel spoke, and Ethan was about to but forgot what to say, and then the music started so he just said, "OK, thankx!" and that was that. This was followed by a fun video showing us some of the process in the nominating and ballot secrecy.
Somewhere earlier I missed the performance of "Raise it Up" from "August Rush". It was OK. At this point, though, we had a grandiose performance with lots of great staging, including senior citizens doing the Can-Can (!) for "That's How You Know" from the Disney film "Enchanted".
Announcement: "And now, Dame Judi Dench and Halle Barry." Well, out come Seth Rogan and Jonah Hill, who spend a couple of minutes arguing about which of them should be which. It was hilarious and I'll never do it justice, but it was the funniest stuff all night so far. They presented the Sound Editing award, which went to the team from "The Bourne Ultimatum" in a pleasant surprise. They then presented the Sound Mixing award, which also went to "Bourne". Meanwhile, they kept up their argument too. Kevin O'Connell was nominated as part of the "Transformers" team, but for the 20th time out of 20, he didn't get the prize. You just know his day will come, one way or another. I think at this point he's just enjoying the ride to see how long it will take.
Best Actress was up next, oddly. And yes, I'm proud to say I got this one right on the money, Marion Cotillard wins it, and rightfully so from all accounts.
Then we had "Falling Slowly" performed, from the little Irish film "Once", made in 2 weeks for a $100,000 budget. And it was a damn good tune, seemingly the crowd/cult favorite too. Colin Farrell introduced him, but not before slipping a bit before the podium.
Jack Nicholson presented a montage of all past Best Picture winners. Another waste of a major talent, but I guess it was fitting for him to do it. It had to be a big name.
Renee Zellweger presents Film Editing, and what do you know? "Bourne" wins AGAIN! I was thrilled about this one, because as I said earlier, the editing here was great. This certainly threw the Editing/Picture corrolation out for the year though. But wow, I got the technical awards sweep right, just with the wrong movie. "Transformers" got zilch, and "Bourne" got 3 out of 3! And to be honest, it deserved to!
Meanwhile, this show continues to seemingly be happening on Fast Forward.
Nicole Kidman introduces Robert Boyle, winner of the Honorary Oscar this year. Age 98, legendary art director, and he gave a great speech. But you know what? EVEN THIS WAS RUSHED! WTF?!
Foreign film was next, and "The Counterfeiters" won, first win for Austria. Penelope Cruz gave out this award for about the 38th time.
Final song introduced by Patrick Dempsey, another one from "Enchanted". This had great staging as well, but the song itself...well...how can I put this...it was fucking terrible. There, I guess that's specific enough. "So Close" should have been So Far Away instead, because I've heard better singing at 2AM on karaoke night.
So now John Travolta comes out to present this award, but not before slipping on that same spot near the podium that Colin Farrell did. Anyone want to mop that up? "Falling Slowly" won, which was probably the best choice after hearing them all myself, and the two Irish singer/songwriters were totally elated. Glen Hansard gave a great and humble speech, thanking everyone in his obviously shocked and thrilled state of mind, and because this show was being rushed along, Marketa Irglova went to the mic as the music started playing. She laughed it off and shrugged and went offstage, but the music actually then stopped, but since they kept walking, the music started up again. More on this later. But in the meantime, Jon Stewart got the funniest line and loudest laughs of the night after the applause ended and they went offstage. "That guy is so-ho-ho-ho arrogant." The place erupted in howling laughter and so did I. Jon then nearly topped it with an announcement of "Will the owner of a Boeing 707 please move your vehicle from the entranceway." John Travolta ran onstage as the apparent offender and confirmed with Jon that the thing needed to be moved. Jon played it up, rolling his eyes in mock exasperation, and John ran off the other side to get his jet outta there.
After a commercial, Jon Stewart said that he wanted Marketa to come out and be able to give her speech, and this was the single coolest fucking thing I've ever seen an Oscar host do. So she came out, gave a sweet minute-long speech thanking everyone and whatnot, and then went backstage to tremendous applause. Jon let us all in on a conversation the winning singers/songwriters had backstage during the previous break. "He said to her, 'Let's have them kiss.' She said, 'But they're both guys!' He said back, 'But it's Hollywood'!" Classic stuff that you can't script. But overhearing that is what made him want her to come back out and be able to give her speech on the main stage instead of backstage later during the press conferences the winners all hold where they answer questions and thank everyone they either forgot to or weren't given more than 25 seconds to thank earlier.
Cameron Diaz, the modern-day Lucille Ball, presents Cinematography. "There Will Be Blood" wins it, the film's first win coming at 11PM exactly.
Hilary Swank introduces the annual "In Memorium" montage, which seemed longer this year with a lot of behind-the-scenes names. Of course, Heath Ledger was the final name, and because of the rushed nature of this entire fucking show his name wasn't up for very long, which was a damn crime. The annual Death Applause-O-Meter was loudest for Ledger, Deborah Kerr and Ingmar Bergman. Conspicuously absent from the montage was Brad Renfro, which actually is already getting a lot of angry protests from IMDB-ers.
Amy Adams presented Best Original Score, and "Atonement" finally wins one.
Tom Hanks does the Documentary categories, and we wind up having what could have been an EXTREMELY uncomfortable series of events. The shorts are first, and Tom hands the honors of presenting to a group of soliders in Baghdad, who do the honors via satellite. "Freeheld" wins out, and the still-living member of the lesbian couple actually did make the trip out there, which wasn't what she had planned on doing because she doesn't like to be in the spotlight. But it was cool to see her. She's an auto mechanic in the Freehold area and I have a co-worker who actually knows her, so I know Donna McNicholas was screaming when she saw her on-screen (she chose to stay in her seat rather than go on stage with the filmmakers). So then Tom did the Documentary Feature, and this is where I started squirming. After having soldiers in Baghdad present the prior award, was "No End in Sight" going to win the next one? Or would the Academy actually have given the nod to "Sicko" and have Michael Moore come on stage and cause another ruckus? Well, the Academy apparently wanted to take no chances either way, because "Taxi to the Dark Side" won. A chickenshit moment, but actually a relieving one at this point.
11:22PM and four awards to go. For the 80th broadcast or any broadcast really, this has been a show on Fast Forward with no signs of slowing down.
The single worst joke I've ever heard in Oscar history. I think even Jon Stewart hated having to do this one. "Our next presenter is either a legendary actor or an upscale car dealership. Ladies and gentleman, Harrison Ford." Good Lord, whoever wrote that one should be kicked out of California like Chaplin was. Anyway, he presented Best Original Screenplay, and Diablo Cody's "Juno" won. The Cody story is a great one, she's a former stripper with tattoos and a unique way of speaking and living. She's actually now a columnist for Entertainment Weekly as well. So she came on stage...and wow, apparently she picked up her dress at the Bedrock Emporium because she looked like the gothic granddaughter of Fred and Wilma Flintstone up there. Her speech was great though and she completely broke down at the end with how happy she was, thanking her parents for loving her for who she is.
Helen Mirren presents Best Actor. Daniel Day-Lewis. No shock here.
Martin Scorsese presents Best Director. The Coens for "No Country for Old Men". No shock here either. Ethan had the second-biggest laugh of the night when he started the speech with, "Well, I don't have much to add to what I said earlier..."
We're still rushing the show to the end, and at this point with every speech under a minute and not a SINGLE STANDING OVATION the entire night, I'm really just frustrated with how this show's turning out. The whole fucking thing is a rush job and I hate it. But with that said, Denzel Washington presents Best Picture, and "No Country For Old Men" takes it.
Jon Stewart says good night, the credits roll, and that's that.
Great show as far as it being what it is, Hollywood's Biggest Night. But with only 11 days to prepare (because of the writer's strike) and the possible-related rush job that went on to keep the show under 3.5 hours, the 80th Annual Show really lacked that something special it should have had.
Final Tally (excluding shorts and documentaries):
No Country For Old Men - 4 wins in 8 nominations
The Bourne Ultimatum - 3 wins in 3 nominations (!)
There Will Be Blood - 2 wins in 8 nominations
La Vie en Rose - 2 wins in 3 nominations
Michael Clayton - 1 win in 7 nominations
Atonement - 1 win in 7 nominations
Ratatouille - 1 win in 5 nominations
Juno - 1 win in 4 nominations
Sweeney Todd - 1 win in 3 nominations
The Golden Compass - 1 win in 2 nominations
Elizabeth: The Golden Age - 1 win in 2 nominations
Once - 1 win in 1 nomination
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - 0 wins in 4 nominations
Enchanted - 0 wins in 3 nominations
Transformers - 0 wins in 3 nominations
Pirates: At World's End - 0 wins in 2 nominations
3:10 to Yuma - 0 wins in 2 nominations
American Gangster - 0 wins in 2 nominations
The Savages - 0 wins in 2 nominations
The Assassination of Jesse James... - 0 wins in 2 nominations
Into the Wild - 0 wins in 2 nominations
Away From Her - 0 wins in 2 nominations
In the Valley of Elah - 0 wins in 1 nomination
Eastern Promises - 0 wins in 1 nomination
Charlie Wilson's War - 0 wins in (thankfully just the) 1 nomination
I'm Not There - 0 wins in 1 nomination
Gone Baby Gone - 0 wins in 1 nomination
Persepolis - 0 wins in 1 nomination
Surf's Up! - 0 wins in 1 nomination
Across the Universe - 0 wins in 1 nomination
Norbit - 0 wins in 1 nomination
The Kite Runner - 0 wins in 1 nomination
August Rush - 0 wins in 1 nomination
Lars and the Real Girl - 0 wins in 1 nomination
And with that...another Oscar season has come to a close. I shall now bask in withdrawal and general coming-down-from-the-sugar-rush for a few days...
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