(This blog was originally written on 8/14/07 on MySpace)
Don't be afraid. It's OK. We can talk about the Spice Girls. They are doing a reunion tour and all, and whether we all want to admit it or not, there was at least one song 10 years ago from them that we loved. Not to mention, we all probably had a mental picture of at least one of the Girls on all fours. So let's take a look at the Girls today. I personally feel they all have gone somewhere. The question is...in which direction? I'll cover them from who I think actually has the most talent, going on down to the soccer player's silly wife.
* Melanie C (Melanie Chisholm, "Sporty Spice") --- She was the cute one with the girl-next-door looks. It didn't seem like she was the one people would think of first, so consequently she'd be in the background and when people would try and name all the Girls, they probably had to think a few seconds to get her name out. Well, Melanie C is having the last laugh. She hasn't been a huge commercial success in the States (which is ridiculous), but she's done extremely well overseas, and with good reason. I officially proclaim that Melanie C was and is the Spice Girl who actually can sing. She's released four solo albums in this decade and I love the three of them that I've heard. "Northern Star" has a bunch of great tunes, "Reason" saw her expand her musical range, "Beautiful Intentions" I've only heard a couple tunes from (and they are great, I have to find the rest on iTunes!) and the newest CD "This Time" stays mostly on a downtempo level but continues to present thoughtful lyrics and beautiful arrangements. Her MySpace page (www.myspace.com/melaniecmusic) has some songs in full and others as only snippets, but I don't think you'd be wasting money by going out and giving one of her CD's a tryout. I remember the first time I heard "Northern Star", it took me three days to allow myself to believe it was really her. Melanie C, Spice Girl Who Really Can Sing. I applaud you. And I can't wait for your next CD.
* Emma Bunton ("Baby Spice") --- Yeah, this was the one we all wanted naked. The blonde with the pigtails. OK, OK, I know. But you know what? She's got some definite singing talent solo too, and she's shown to have a very funny personality in interviews as well as, of all things, a currently-airing commercial for Prego spaghetti sauce. Her song "Maybe" from some years back is a fun pop ditty that is difficult not to start bopping to. Her newest CD is "Life in Mono" and shows more of her unique vocal stylings, plus a very nice cover of Petula Clark's "Downtown" that I believe was recently used in a Visa commercial. Her MySpace page (www.myspace.com/emmabuntonofficial) doesn't contain much but it does link to her official website. She also just had a baby earlier this month, her first!
* Geri Halliwell ("Sexy Spice") --- Geri's the one right in the middle. She was the other one most people seemed to think of first, thankx to her rather wild wardrobe and her strikingly red hair. When Spicemania peaked, she was the one who left the group first to go solo, and while it was an amicable split it seemed to give her a bit of a "nose in the air"-ness that wasn't really intended. She had solo success in the UK, but not really much elsewhere. Her singing voice isn't terrible, and her songs are catchy (especially "Ride It", which was a success on the worldwide club scene), but all in all Geri may be a victim of her own Spice Girls success in that her best stuff has been made with the rest of the pack. Still, with that said, there's talent here. I'm just not sure it's up to that of the two Girls I've mentioned above. Her MySpace page is www.myspace.com/halliwellgeri, but it's not regularly maintained.
* Melanie B (Melanie Brown, "Scary Spice") --- And here is where we start talking about the fuck-ups of the group. This one's first because while she's a mess, there's still a bigger one than her. We have Melanie B, who has had minimal musical success on her own. What she has had, however, are failed marriages, children out of wedlock and her name all over the tabloids. And just when it seemed like she was the sympathetic one, she now has taken away the "sym" and just left the "pathetic". Let me explain why. She had a fling with the married Eddie Murphy, and she was pregnant with his baby. He vehemently denied it was his, pretty much kicked her to the curb, released a shitty movie called "Norbit" which combined with this baby and now-divorcing all-over-the-tabloids mess, cost him an Oscar earlier this year (I mean, come on...with all due respect, Alan Arkin didn't give anything near a performance worthy of winning that statuette) and is now engaged to some other obviously-stupid woman. Well, Melanie had the baby and even proved it to be his, which he's now conceded. So good for Melanie, right? No, now we find out last week that she married some other guy months ago. This means she married him just a few months after being with Murphy and while this whole thing was going on. Let's just call her "Trampy Spice" and move on to...oh, wait, if you want her MySpace page, here it is: www.myspace.com/melaniebofficial.
* Victoria Beckham ("Posh Spice") --- Wow. Where do we begin with this train wreck? She married soccer star David Beckham, nothing wrong with that. I'd give you the link to her MySpace page but it's so long on the top bar that I can't even read it, so just do a music search for her name, and the first yielded result on the list is her official page. Check it out for yourself, but be forewarned. First off, the music is dreadful. Secondly, the page gives you a huge photo of her wearing a fashionable outfit with her fashionable hair sitting on a fashionable bicycle and giving a fashionable pose. If you scroll down past that Citizen Kane-like image, you'll find the rest of the page where you can read and see all about how she fancies herself to be pretty much the shit that doesn't stink. There's a very nice recent photo of the Girls on her page, and they're all smiling and looking really cute and striking. Well, except for this clown being in the photo with her short hair and her apparently-surgically-stuck open-mouth. So far, the Beckham playing soccer in the U.S. thing has been a crashing bore, and it's been highly entertaining watching Victoria try to show the American audience that she's "just another girl" with her TV show and whatnot. Fortunately, and for a change, the general public sees right through her and is letting her know it. It's pretty sad when even I think that Paris Hilton is more interesting and relevant than you, Becks.
So there you have it. Wow, that was fun. Maybe I should do Hanson next time? Or NKOTB? Or Wu-Tang Clan?
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