(This blog was originally written on 3/4/08 on MySpace)
I much prefer without. I mean, jeez, you sit down with your $7.00 jumbo tub that they squirt that shit all over, you're with your date, the screen is still showing those slides with the 1-800-TICK-BITE ads, and by the time the lights go down just for the previews and the dancing boxes of Raisinets reminding you to turn off your cell phones, you have your shirt, your date's shirt, at least three people's hair, some Jujyfruits left over from the last person sitting where you are, random dirt and several ticket stubs all stuck to your fingers. And unfortunately, the chemical reactions from this substance combined with several of the items you're now stuck to tend to omit some rather mysterious odors at times.
So this is why, Coyote say "WITHOUT!"
Anyway...that's not really what this is all about. I just watched "The Mummy" for about the 40th time. I love it. That and "Jurassic Park" are two films that I saw in the theaters the summer they came out, and they are the only two films that I ever really feel lived up to the sorely-overused term "summer blockbuster". Granted, a number of films that probably would as well, such as "Independence Day" and the "Batman" films, I didn't see in theaters. I rarely go, actually. I much prefer sitting at home and watching at my leisure. It's the same with TV shows in some cases. There are some films I do want to see this summer and I probably will go and do that. But most of my theater excursions, especially during the major summer season, usually end up rather "eh".
2001 was the biggest example to this day. I saw three films in the theater that summer, which for me is like seeing three hundred. The first one I saw was "The Mummy Returns", and I enjoyed it but not nearly to the level of the first film. The sequel was just too cartoony, with Rachel Weisz's character suddenly being the direct descendant of Imhotep's babe, and the goofy airship they flew around in, not to mention the big effect of the Mummy chasing them in a giant water wall. That last one would have been great if we didn't already see it in the first film with sand in place of the water. But all in all, while I left pleased, I didn't leave satisfied.
It got no better a few weeks later when I went to see Tim Burton's reimagined "Planet of the Apes" film. Having seen the first film with Charlton Heston and Roddy McDowall, and loving how Tim Burton's mind works, I was excited as hell to see how Mark Wahlberg (a fantastic actor) would do in this version. Let's just say by the time it ended, I had the sentence, "Please don't make another one, Tim" out of my mouth before I even got out of my seat (which was made more difficult because the guy behind me had his hand stuck to my ass, another victim of the Popcorn Spooge Syndrome, it seems...either that or he wanted to nail me). Fortunately, Tim Burton didn't like it either and vowed that he was done with the "Apes". So at least something good came out of this.
The third film I saw was "Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within". As an animation buff, I was totally SALIVATING over this one. The animation was stunningly realistic, and some people who didn't know it was animated didn't catch on for quite some time. On that level, this film was awesome. On every other level, such as storytelling and logic and overall making sense, this film was dreadful. The box office receipts were atrocious too, so much so that this was the first and last film that SquareSoft ever made. They took a bath on it.
So yeah...this is why I prefer DVDs. Sometimes I buy, sometimes I rent, usually I see a movie before buying it but sometimes I take a chance. Last summer I saw "The Bourne Ultimatum" in the theater and it was great, but a blockbuster it wasn't, nor was ever pitched to be. But every year you see movies being pushed, and we're seeing it this year already with stuff like "Iron Man" and "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull". Neither of those films has me the least bit excited. I think this summer I'll have my own blockbuster film festival, with "Jaws" and "Jurassic Park" and "The Mummy" and some other great stuff, with a TV and a DVD player.
So what do you think? Any films ever make you piss yourself in the summer theater season? What films do you wish you never bothered to check out?
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